ARSNEL
Bottlers FC
The world's most decorated nearly-men. A monument to almost, to heartbreak, and to the beautiful art of throwing it all away when it matters most.
The Bottle Jobs
Since Arsenal Last
Won The League
May 15, 2004. The Invincibles. The last time it happened. The clock has been ticking ever since.
Started: Saturday, May 15, 2004 — 04:00:00 UTC
Mikel Arteta
The man who promised the world, delivered some nice football, and somehow made bottling feel artisanal.
Mikel Arteta
Head Coach — Arsenal FC
Appointed: Dec 20, 2019
Gets to 82% every season. Collapses immediately after.
Greatest Hits — Press Conference Edition
“We need to win trophies. That's why we're here.”
2021 — won nothing
“The process is going well. We're building something special.”
Said while 8 points behind City
“We had the league in our hands. We just couldn't hold on.”
After bottling 8-point lead
“This group of players has everything it takes to win the title.”
Spoiler: they didn't
“We're very close. The belief in this squad is immense.”
Narrator: They were not close.
“I'm the right person to take this club where it needs to go.”
Still no league title
The Bottle Jobs
A forensic breakdown of every time Arsenal had it in their hands and somehow let it slip. Peer-reviewed. Scientifically bottled.
Arsenal led the Premier League by 8 points in January. They then proceeded to lose form entirely, giving Pep Guardiola the easiest title win of his life. Iconic.
Another season, another capitulation. Arsenal looked like genuine title contenders until City decided to actually try. The bottle was opened, the champagne poured elsewhere.
Didn't even lose a title lead — just watched a team with 5000/1 odds waltz to the title while Arsenal finished 2nd. Painful in a different way.
Wenger's classic: finish 4th, call it a trophy. At least consistency was maintained.
Were genuinely in the mix before an awful injury to Eduardo da Silva derailed everything. The nearly-men era was in full swing.
Greatest Lowlights
The moments that defined a generation. Preserved in amber for posterity.
8-Point Lead Gone
Arsenal sat 8 points clear at the top. Proceeded to lose to Everton, Nottingham Forest, and Southampton.
The Collapse
A 90th-minute winner for City in a six-pointer. The dressing room never recovered. The bottle was fully uncorked.
Dropped At Home Again
Dropped points against bottom-half sides yet again. City needed only to keep winning. They did.
Emery's Final Days
7 games without a win sealed Unai Emery's fate. Arsenal were 8th. The crowd chanted for his head. He got it.
Europa Final Loss
Chelsea 4-1 Arsenal in the Europa League Final. Sums up the era perfectly. A Europa League final — and they bottled that too.
Norwich at Home
Lost to a Norwich side that was relegated. No European football for Arsenal. A new low point. Arteta spoke about 'the project'.
The Bottling Timeline
Want to discuss the bottling
over a coffee?
Hi, I'm @haseebullahabbasi
A certified Arsenal grief counsellor. I've watched every bottle job live, in real time, with full belief it would be different this time. It was not different.
Today's agenda:
“Why Arteta's hair stays perfect even after bottling a title”
Warning: conversation may include excessive use of the word “bottled” and uncontrollable sighing.